sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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