I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
