Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
