Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
