She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize