come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
