Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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