Quick, to the slutcave!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
