First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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