either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
