Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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