Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
