I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
