This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
