She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
