AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
