The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
