I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
