Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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