Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
