I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
