You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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