Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
