i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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