Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
