Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
