I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
