and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
