Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize