I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
