I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
