so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
