so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
