last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
