party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this just has baby written all over it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
