Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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