i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
