the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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