remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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