This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
