I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
