Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
