She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
