I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
