So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
