dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
