and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
