I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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