Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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