hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
