his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
