Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your penis caused this!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
