I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
