first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
