We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
