she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
