i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize