I met the friendliest cop last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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