its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
