Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize