her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
