first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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