I wanna passion pit in your ass
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
