Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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