Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
