haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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