I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
