Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I need to stop coming to work sober
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
