Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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