we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
