You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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