Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
