think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
