I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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