I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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