I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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