so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
