Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
