i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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