Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
