So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize