In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
