Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
