honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
