Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
