I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
