Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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