Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
