Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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