At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize