I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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