apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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