I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
