like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
