yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And then my night got REAL pukey
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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