Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dick very happy bro
The Olympian is in my bed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
