Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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