no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize